How to Become a Foster Family (Step By Step)

I am excited to announce that our home study was approve by the state and that we are officially a licensed foster family!

In honor of finally becoming a legally recognized foster home, I'd like to share what the process looks like. The process will vary greatly from state to state, county to county, and even agency to agency, so your experience may be completely different. But I hope that by sharing the step by step process, I can give you a glimpse into what becoming a foster family looks like. I will also include dates so you can get an idea of the length of time that licensure can take.

1) Contact an agency
July 26, 2018
It all starts with a phone call or email. I was given an email address from a friend to contact a worker at the agency who recruits and leads orientation for prospective foster parents. After a few emails back and forth, we set a date for a personal orientation in our home.

2) Attend Orientation
August 16, 2018
The worker came to our home. She gave an overview of the agency, foster care, and answered any questions that we had. She did not pressure us at all! She was very careful in use language such as "if you were to become foster parents" or "if you would decide to go with our agency." Half way through orientation I actually stopped her and said that I appreciated how low pressure she was, but that we were positive that God was calling us to become foster parents and to go forward with their agency. At the end of the meeting, we received a pile of paperwork and a feeling of confidence that this was the agency that we were meant to work with. We confirmed that we wanted to move forward with the process.

3) Training
August 23, 2018-October 6, 2018
Every state requires foster parents to complete training hours before they are licensed, and to continue to attend trainings while they are licensed. In our county, we are required to complete the Presley Ridge curriculum. This included 12 units, each taking about 2.5-3 hours. We had to attend each of these trainings in person. So for about a month and a half, one to two days a week we had to go to the agency for training. It was a lot of information packed into a fairly short amount of time. We learned regulations, how to parent children who have experiences trauma, what is required of us, and got to hear some current foster parents share their experiences.

4) Paperwork 
August-November 2018 
Becoming foster parents involved piles of paperwork to be completed. We had to have our fingerprints scanned, backgrounds checked, financial statements and all of our bills copied, proof of dog vaccines, insurances copied, medical forms signed off by our doctors, lists of our prescriptions, etc. It was overwhelming to look at the long list of required documents, but our licensing worker helped us every step of the way to make it more manageable.

5) Egress Window
October, 2018
This is not a step that every family will need to take, but it was an unexpected and costly requirement for us. Due to use having a finished basement, if we planned on using it as any kind of living space more than storage or laundry, we needed to install an egress window. Even though we do not have anyone sleeping in the basement, our state requires this.

6) Home Visit and Interview
November 13, 2018
Our licenser came to our home to inspect it and interview us. She had to take photos, verify we had smoke detectors, a carbon monoxide detector, tap water that wasn't too hot, beds/cribs, medicine locked away, cleaning supplies out of reach of children, and overall assess that our home was safe. She also interviewed Brad and I about our marriage, childhoods, family, religion, parenting styles, and everything else in between. She had to get as much information as possible so that she can complete a written home study all about our family. At the end of our visit, she confirmed that she would be recommending us to the state to become licensed.

7) Home Study Sent to the State
November 27, 2018
After our licenser wrote our home study and received all paperwork, she sent her packet on us to the state. This was a little delayed due to an issue with our clearances (we recently moved to a new state, so our they had to be rerun and a new hard copy had to be sent to the agency before our packet could be sent to the state. It was tedious and I was getting impatient, but I tried to remind myself that God's timing is perfect and will set us up to receive the placement that he has meant for us.

8) Approval
December 17, 2018
We received notice that we are an officially licensed foster family! The state approved us, and as of now, we could get a placement at any moment.

Becoming a foster family is a lengthy and involved process (as it should be). I can't say that it was without tears, stress, or financial strain. But I can say that I felt God's hand moving us through each and every step. And now, we sit and wait to see what He has in store for the next piece of our journey.

If you have any questions about foster care, becoming foster parents, or how to help anyone involved in the system, please don't hesitate to reach out!

Love and Blessings,

Annmarie

Why We Are Becoming a Foster Family

As many of you already know, we are expecting! Except that it may be an infant, a one year old, or a toddler. We also have no idea where they will be born, what their name is, how long they will be with us, or who their father is.

That's right, we are becoming foster parents.

This journey has been a long time coming. I have wanted to adopt for as long as I can remember. As I became more aware of the foster care system, through my schooling and work as a CPS investigator, Brad and I decided that we would become foster parents at some point in the future. This was early in on our marriage, well before we knew we would have fertility problems. At that time, we planned on having a few biological children first, and then to become foster parents and adopt our last child.

God sure had other plans.

We had difficulty conceiving Elijah. It required medications, injections, treatment, and monitoring for many cycles for us to conceive our miracle. We are so blessed that God gave us the honor of being parents to this incredible little boy.

Brad and I enjoy being parents so much. As Elijah grew from an infant into a toddler, we started discussing when and how we should grow our family next. The odds of us conceiving naturally are extremely low. So our conversations turned to whether we should start treatments again, or if we should look into becoming a foster family.

These were some tough discussions. The hardest part was that they were both options that we were comfortable with and wanted to do. Fostering was never an "if we should do it" thing, but a "when should we do it" thing. And we had already gone through fertility treatments. While they were painful, expensive, and emotionally draining, they were so worth it to have Elijah as our son.

When we in the stage of having our discussions and gathering information, I contacted a friend of mine. She lives local to us and has fostered and adopted children. I had asked which agency she used, and she highly recommended a local agency that I was not familiar with.

The next day, I was driving up the highway. I was praying to God, asking him to lead us to which decision he had planned for us. I asked him whether he was calling us to foster, or to pursue fertility treatments. As I was praying that, an electronic billboard flashed an advertisement. It was for the foster care agency that my friend had just told me about the day prior, and it said "We need foster parents"! If that isn't God giving us an answer, then I don't know what is!

After discussing this with Brad, he agreed that it was a sign from God that He wants us to become foster parents, and that He wants us to start the process now. We want to be the safe and caring home for a child, no matter how long they are with us. We want to love on them and show them God's unconditional love. We want to pray for and support their biological family in their goal of reunifying. And if that in unable to happen, we would love to adopt them.

We know this won't be easy. We are putting our family out there financially, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Our plan is to love on any kid with us as hard as we can, even if it's only for a season.

James 1:27 says that "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." This call looks different to different people. For our family, we feel so convicted that God is calling us to look after "orphans in their distress" through becoming foster parents.

It's a scary ride we are about to embark on, but also one of the most exciting journeys of our lives.

Please feel free to ask ANY questions about foster care, becoming foster parents, supporting foster families, etc! We are so excited to share this journey in hopes to show others what foster care really looks like in the day to day, and want to be as transparent as possible.

Thanks for all of the love, prayers, and support that we have already received. We couldn't have done this without the encouragement and help of our friends and family.

Love and Blessings,

Annmarie

My Labor, Induction, and Birth Story

As it got closer and closer to my due date, I scoured the internet for birth stories. I wanted to see how other births went in an attempt to have a better idea of what to expect for my own. And as soon as I found out that I would be induced, I specifically looked for induction stories to try and get as much information as possible. So in an attempt to give other future moms another experience to read, as well as to document my birth, here is our story.

During my 36 week appointment, my blood pressure measured high and I had elevated protein in my urine. I also complained (for the third week in a row) of intense itching so bad that I was making myself bleed by scratching my hands so much at night. My feet itched so bad that I would take off my shoes while driving and scratch them against the brake pedals.

After being sent to labor and delivery triage for monitoring and testing to make sure that the baby was okay, I was diagnosed with Intrahepatic Cholestasis of Pregnancy (ICP), and told that I had indications of preeclampsia. ICP is a condition when liver function is affected, causing the flow of bile to be slowed or blocked. This causes it to flow into your blood stream, which after about 37 weeks of pregnancy increases your odds of fetal distress and still birth. It was decided that I would be induced 4 days later, at 37 weeks and one day.

On the day of induction, we were scheduled to arrive at the hospital at 10PM. We were checked in and sent to our labor room. The nurse asked me an array of questions, had me change into my gown, and hooked me up to an IV and stomach monitoring.

My last belly shot before Elijah was born

A resident came in to check my dilation. This took her two attempts and was painful, as I was not dilated at all and was only effaced about 15%.

Next a pill called Cytotek was inserted vaginally. This is a pill that helps with dilation. I was told that I would have to wait for about 4 hours and then would be checked for progress. The resident warned me that it is fairly common to need a few rounds of this pill, so I was prepping myself for up to 16 hours of this.

Brad and I watched TV and tried to get some sleep. Around 4AM I was checked and found to be dilated to one centimeter. Due to how much I was contracting, they could not insert another pill as they were worried about stimulating me too quickly and being unable to control this medication.

The next step was the foley bulb. Oh my goodness, I swear this may have been one of the worst parts of the labor. I was so glad that the nurse talked me into getting a shot of dilaudid ahead of time. The foley bulb is a balloon attached to the end of a catheter. It was inserted past my cervix so that it was between the baby's head and my cervix. This is supposed to put pressure on my cervix every time I have a contraction, making me dilate more quickly. It took the resident two tries to insert it correctly.
Then the balloon was inflated. The other end of the catheder was attached to my leg.

Due to the pain meds, I easily fell asleep. Occasionally the nurse would come in and pull on the catheter to get the balloon to hit my cervix more intensely. After a few hours of this, the nurse came in again to pull on the catheter and the balloon came out. This was a good sign that I was dilating, so after a bit I was checked again and was dilated to four centimeters.

After that, the Dr. broke my water (which was painless) and contractions started ramping up. Brad was so gentle, supportive, and encouraging during every contraction. I could not have done with without him.

Pitocin was put into my IV, which is a medicine to induce contractions and labor. I also got my epidural at this time. The anesthesiologist took THREE TRIES to get it into the right spot. At this point I was crying (emotional and physical exhaustion at this point). But my wonderful nurse was sensitive and incredible at comforting me as I leaned against her chest, ugly crying. during the insertion.

Once the epidural was complete, only one side of me was fully numb. I was feeling contractions on the left side of my uterus. The nurses tried rolling me back and forth to disperse the medication more. This worked for a bit, but I kept feeling contractions on the left side. And if I was getting an epidural, I wanted to be as comfortable as possible!

The anesthesiologist came in and gave me more medication into my epidural. That did the trick. I would still feel the pressure of the contractions, but not the pain. This allowed me to get some sleep and let the pitocen do it's magic.

My blood pressure did drop some (fairly common with an epidural), so I was given a super cute oxygen mask to rock.

Oxygen mask for the win!

After a few hours I was checked again and had dialed to 8 cm and was 100 effaced! I slept a few more hours, and then when I was checked I was fully dilated. My OB told me that she wanted to wait one more hour to give the baby a chance to move down a little more. I was at a station of 0 at this point, so baby was right at the cervix.

I started getting very shaky and nauseous around this time. I threw up twice and was given a cold wash cloth for my forehead. Once the hour was up, my OB said that the baby had moved down one whole centimeter and that it was time to push!

My OB told Brad to hold one my legs and a nurse to hold the other. I asked Brad if he thought he'd get queasy doing that because I was terrified of him passing out, but he said he was fine and did great. The nurse told me when a contraction was coming on the monitor, and then told me when to push. I could feel the contraction pressure myself, but it was nice to have extra reassurance from the nurse.

My OB was at my feet during the entire time I pushed. She was so encouraging and honestly made me feel like I was the only person in the world that have given birth and that I could do this. She let me know she could see the head, and Brad kept telling me how each push was getting the baby closer and closer.

Although it was encouraging, many people close to me who had their babies heads get to that point ended up needing a c-section. I was still very prepared for that possibility. My mom, her sisters, and my grandma all had c-sections, so I was pretty convinced that that was how the baby would be born. It wasn't until my OB said that I was at the point that if the baby got stuck, she would use forceps before a c-section, that I started getting excited that I might actually birth this baby vaginally! And while there is nothing wrong with a c-section, I felt so empowered that I might be able to have one piece of creating this child and bringing them into the world without so much intervention.

Most notable during my pushing was when my OB informed me that I was crowning, to which I shouted "I KNOW I CAN FEEL IT I CAN FEEL IT!"  After about an hour total of pushing, baby was born at 4:48PM.

Brad announced that the baby was a boy, and he was placed on my chest. I could not believe it! After all of the time, money, stress, appointments, medications, injections, and prayers, our son was here! Elijah Joseph Jordan weighed 8 pounds 5 ounces. I'm extremely glad I ended up needing to be induced early because this baby was a tank!

Elijah Joseph Jordan, 6/6/17, 4:38PM, 8 lb 5 oz

Once the umbilical chord stopped pulsing, Brad cut the chord. During this time, I did about an hour of skin to skin with Elijah and also breastfed him.

Brad cutting the umbilical chord

Skin to skin snuggles with our miracle

There are so many induction horror stories out there. And in some ways, it makes sense. Your body is being induced to do something that it was not ready to do yet. But overall, my induction and birth experience was amazing. I look back on it with nostalgia now, and am so thankful that we were able to get my sweet Elijah out before he was in danger of still birth.

Our first family photo

Brad and Elijah snuggle for the first time

Our sweet boy, swollen and bruised up from the rough ride he just endured

Did you have a positive or negative birth experience? Share your story in the comments, I'm obsessed with birth stories!

Love and Blessings,

Annmarie

My PCOS Infertility Resume

Anytime infertility comes up in conversation, it can often turn to questions of "what have you done, what have you tried, and what has worked?" As someone who spent hours upon hours googling "how to get pregnant with PCOS," I scoured blogs, medical journals, and websites devoted to fertility in hopes to discover my cure. And while of course it isn't that straight forward, I do think that more examples out there, the better. So here is my resume of exact treatments and medications that we went through from the first cycle until our miracle cycle.

Started out by getting treated at my OBGN.

Round #1 - January 2016
50mg Clomid and timed (scheduled) intercourse
Result: Took a blood test which confirmed that I did not ovulate. No pregnancy.

Round #2 - March 2016
100mg Clomid and timed intercourse
Result: Took a blood test which confirmed that I did not ovulate. I did go to the ER during this cycle due to intense ovary pressure. The ultrasound confirmed I had a few follicles maturing. So my body did respond to the Clomid somewhat, but not enough to ovulate. No pregnancy.

We then transferred to a Reproductive Endocrinologist (AKA a Fertility Clinic). Before beginning treatment

Round #3 - July 2016
Femara (forgot dosage, but it's an oral medication similar to Clomid) and Ovidrel (a trigger shot to induce ovulation). Intrauterine Insemination (IUI) and timed intercourse. Also needed estradiol to thicken my uterine lining. Took progesterone after the IUI until my pregnancy test.
Result: A follicle did develop to maturity, but no pregnancy.

Round #4 - August 2016
Femara (a doubled dose from last time), Follistim injections to assist in follicle maturation, and Ovidrel. Needed estradiol again, and also took progesterone per protocol. IUI and timed intercourse.
Result: At first, a bunch of follicles started to grow with no sign of one or two leading the pack, concerning my Dr that we would have to cancel the cycle. Had to start the Femara and Follistim regimen all over, which resulted in one mature follicle before we did Ovidrel. No pregnancy.

Round #5 - September-October 2016
Femara, Follistim injections, one Menopur injection (a fluke because I needed one more Follistim shot but both the clinic and I were out, and the only comparable injection they had was Menopur), and Ovidrel. IUI and timed intercourse. Followed progesterone protocol.
Result: Two mature follicles and a singleton pregnancy! This cycle was slow and steady, so it was a long cycle of slowly increasing my daily dose of Follistim. I was at the clinic for ultrasounds and blood draws every day to every other day for 3 weeks straight! But well worth it for our little miracle.

Please feel free to ask any questions! I am not a medical professional by any means but have done a decent amount of research on fertility and PCOS. Also please share your own success stories down below. My hope is that my experience can be one of many for women to reference when delving into the infertility world.

Love and Blessings,

Annmarie

Pregnancy After Infertility

I never thought I'd write this post. Firstly, because I never thought that I'd become pregnant. And secondly, because I didn't realise how different a pregnancy after infertility is than a typical pregnancy.

While on our final round of fertility treatment, Brad and I had both resigned to the fact that we would not have biological children. Brad has later told me that he was already prepared to "do damage control" after this cycle failed (cue the water works). I had a big pile of paperwork that a caseworker had sent us to start the foster-to-adopt process. I had even started a foster care registry to prep for a foster baby, as I knew how fast that process could go once it started.

Little did I know that God had other plans and that this final round would work.

The morning that I decided to test, I was so sure that it would be negative. I didn't tell Brad that I was testing. I took the test, set it on the bathroom counter, and went back to bed instead of waiting for the results. That's how positive I was that it would be another negative.

When I woke up about an hour later, I glanced at the test. I couldn't believe what I saw. Rubbing my eyes, I look again and saw it: two lines! Since it was kind of early, the second line was very light. I posted a picture of the test to one of my online infertility groups, asking them if there really was a second line there. I also texted a photo to one of my best friends to get her opinion. After being advised to get another test, I drove to Wal-Mart. After taking two more tests, both having two lines, I fell to my knees and started bawling. I prayed and prayed, thanking God.

I told Brad that evening when he got home from work, and we both held each other and cried tears of joy. We were going to be parents!

But the joy was short-lived. For me, when everything regarding your reproductive system has not gone to plan, you start to believe that there is no way that this could work out. Miscarriage statistics run through your mind. Instead of being excited and relieved for being pregnant, I was terrified. I had already accepted that I would not have biological children and was excited for growing our family another way. And of course I was excited that I was pregnant, but I was also riddled with fear that it was too good to be true. Plus my diagnosis of PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) raised my miscarriage risk more than the average women, which did not help ease my mind.

I took pregnancy tests every day to make sure that the second line was getting darker (a sign that the pregnancy hormones are rising). When my first blood test confirmed pregnancy, I was overjoyed for a moment. Then I realised that the second test would show if the levels were rising and immediately got immense anxiety.

The second test confirmed that the levels were rising appropriately. I was relieved, but also nervous because my clinic does three blood tests and I knew I had another one to "pass." I spent hours googling the odds of miscarriage by day of pregnancy, what normal blood test levels were, and ways to reduce the chance of miscarriage.

The third blood test also showed that my levels were rising as they should. Our first ultrasound was scheduled for 6 weeks pregnant. In the infertility world, I had heard many stories of women becoming pregnant and the first ultrasound revealing a not viable pregnancy. As excited as I was, I was still convinced that this was too good to be true.

As I had done many times before, I lay on the table at the fertility clinic awaiting the Dr. Brad and I were excited and nervous to get our first glimpse of the baby (who we started referring to as "Squishy.") When the Dr. and nurse came in and began the ultrasound, my heart raced. Until I saw the flickering dot on the screen. The nurse told us that that was our baby and that it already had a heartbeat. I was so happy, excited, and relieved. We heard the heartbeat and I started crying.

Squishy's first photo! Our 6 week ultrasound, which our Dr explained as "the most expansive ring we would buy."

I was so happy for that day. Then I realised I had another week until the clinic did another ultrasound. Another week not knowing if Squishy was ok or not. Another week for something to go wrong.

I was so sure that once I become pregnant, all the difficult emotions that came with fertility struggles would disappear. And I thought that after seeing the baby on the ultrasound, it would be happiness from there on out. But I realised that pregnancy after infertility was so much more complex than that.

7 week ultrasound

8 week ultrasound from the day we graduated from the fertility clinic

We saw Squishy again at the 7 week ultrasound looking great. And again at the 8 week ultrasound. We then officially "graduated" from the fertility clinic. I was offically taken off of the medication progesterone (a medication that is said to prevent miscarriage in the beginning of pregnancy, and a common practice at fertility clinics). While it would seem that I would finally feel relief, I didn't. I knew the monitoring from there on our would be less frequent. which made me nervous. I was still in the first trimester, which most people know as the most vulnerable time for a baby in utero.

A few weeks later I started bleeding. It was very light, but I was terrified and feared for the worst. I had not met with my OBGYN yet but was discharged from the fertility clinic, so I was unsure who to contact. I called both offices, who both told me that this was very normal and not to worry unless the bleeding got heavy or I started cramping. The OBGYN scheduled me for an ultrasound the following week. That was the longest week. While I didn't bleed after the initial incident, I was terrified that our baby wasn't alive anymore.

Thankfully, the ultrasound showed that the baby was healthy and at a perfect size. I had a sigh of relief. And while I was still very nervous, morning sickness had set in, which was a welcome sign that I was still pregnant.

The ultrasound after the bleeding scare...baby still thriving!

Once I hit the second trimester, I felt a momentary lift from the worry. I knew that the risks of miscarriage were much lower now. But again, as someone who needed so many different medications and interventions to even become pregnant, I was not sure of my body's ability to carry a pregnancy to term. The two things that gave me some relief was prayer, and the idea that at least I was pregnant for that day. If I focused on that, my mind was eased some.

I am now 23 weeks pregnant. And every day that I feel the baby, I feel so immensely blessed. I don't write this to complain because I know that I am so extremely lucky to be pregnant. Being in the infertility world for so long, I still have many friends hoping and praying to see two lines on their tests. I never want to seem ungrateful or like a complainer, because I am not. This pregnancy was so wanted, so worked for, and is so loved. Shoot, I cried tears of joy the first few times I threw up from morning sickness!

I thought that by writing this, I could share that pregnancy after infertility is an awkward spot. I feel like I still have one foot in the infertility world and another foot in the fertile world. My friendships with many of my friends who face infertility and are not pregnant yet are somewhat strained (which I totally understand, it's hard to have close relationships with pregnant people when you are having a hard time getting and staying pregnant). Yet I still don't feel like I fully relate to those who got pregnant "the old fashioned way." And if infertility alone is rarely talked about, pregnancy after infertility is addressed even less.

So my fellow "pregnant after infertility warriors", your feelings are valid. It is okay to not feel 100% excited or happy all of the time. Appreciate your blessing, but allow yourself to feel how you feel. Surround yourself with a great support system. And fall into God's arms throughout it all.

Love and Blessings,

Annmarie

I am 1 in 10-Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS)

Today, I am going to do an overview of Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. I want to share my experience with it, as well as educate people on this seemingly invisible disorder.

Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) is one of the most common hormonal disorders in women of child bearing age. 1 in 10 women have PCOS, yet more than 50% are not diagnosed. This is due to there not being a single "test" to diagnose it, but rather a list of criteria that must be met.

If a women has at least two out of the three following criteria, she is diagnosed with PCOS:

1. 12 or more follicles (cysts) are visible on at least one ovary.
2. There are high levels of androgens (male hormones), and/or symptoms suggesting excess androgens (excess body hair growth, acne, weight gain, etc).
3. Menstrual dysfunction, including lack of periods, irregular periods, and/or lack of ovulation.

Some common symptoms that people with PCOS may have are obesity, anxiety, depression, insomnia, male pattern baldness, insulin resistance, dandruff, acne, fatigue, infertility, unwanted facial/body hair, miscarriage, excess sweating, irregular periods, memory loss and aggressive mood swings. As you can see, there are many layers to this syndrome, all of which are difficult for any woman to face.

As for me, I was only talked to about PCOS when I went to my OBYN at age 22 (despite having multiple symptoms for years and discussing them with prior doctors.) Even this OBGYN was very misinformed about it. After being off of birth control pills for months, I had only had my period once. After that period, it had been over 100 days when I finally went to see my OBGYN. She talked about PCOS being a possibility and ordered an ultrasound. She didn't see too many follicles/cysts and wrote off PCOS for me.

My OBGYN prescribed me Clomid, an oral medical to assist in ovulation. I also had to use medication to induce a period as I was not getting them naturally. After a few rounds of Clomid being unsuccessful with making me ovulate or conceive, I went to a fertility specialist. He diagnosed me with PCOS. During an ultrasound, he saw over 100 small follicles on each of my ovaries. He also noted that I exhibited a lot of the symptoms of excess androgens (acne, facial hair, weight gain, ugh). Add in my irregular cycles and I am basically textbook PCOS.

There are definitely some myths related to PCOS that I would like to address:

Myth: You must have ovarian cysts/excess follicles to be diagnosed with PCOS. 
Fact: Actually, you don't have to have any cysts to be diagnosed with PCOS. The ultrasound that I had done with my OBGYN showed no abnormal amount cysts at that time (probably due to the years on birth control quieting my ovaries a bit). Yet I still exhibited 2 out of the 3 criteria required to be diagnosed.

Myth: You cannot get pregnant with PCOS. 
Fact: It is possible to get pregnant with PCOS. And some women can conceive naturally without any medical intervention. Yet others will need medical intervention. For the average women with PCOS, my fertility specialist said it isn't so much if they can get pregnant, but how.

Myth: PCOS can be cured with hormonal birth control. 
Fact: Hormonal birth control can help mask the symptoms, but it does not cure the syndrome. I was on birth control for years, thinking that my cycle had regulated and my acne had improved. Yet once I got off of it, my symptoms returned. It can be a great tool to help manage symptoms until you try to conceive though.

My goal is to try and get some information out there about a disorder that is so rarely talked about, yet is so prevalent among women of child bearing age. As I said earlier, 1 in 10 women in that age range have PCOS, yet it's thought that over 50% are undiagnosed. If you feel like you may have PCOS, please consult with a medical professional. I wish I had known earlier and could have better prepared for what I would face when trying to conceive, as well as understand why my body was doing the things that it was.

If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to reach out through comments or email.

Love and Blessings,

Annmarie Faye

Love, Marriage, Infertility?

Hi, my name is Annmarie. I'm 23 years old, married to an amazing man, and we are having problems with infertility.

Without suffering with infertility, one can never grasp how painful and scary it is to just type the sentence above. As someone who is very open and honest about their life, I was not prepared for the shame, fear, and isolation that comes from finding out that you can't just "go and get pregnant."

When I started dating Brad and things were getting serious, I pictured my life with him. We planned on getting married, waiting a few years for me to graduate college and get some work experience, and then we would have children. This plan seemed reasonable, and while I definitely started to get "baby fever" earlier than I had hoped, we still followed our original game plan. We were doing things the right way. First comes love, then marriage, then the baby carriage, right? And although I was prepared for it to take us a few months, I was not prepared for what was actually in store for us.

Instead of everything going in accordance to my precise planning, I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS). This is an endocrine disorder that causes my estrogen and progesterone to be out of balance. It's a very complicated disorder, leading to a plethora of symptoms. One of these symptoms is not being able to ovulate regularly, if at all. This makes it almost impossible to get pregnant naturally.

My heart broke when I learned that my dream of being a mother is not going to happen the way that I had always planned. Instead of designing our nursery and shopping for cribs, I started the journey of researching what might increase our odds of conceiving. I tried prayers, holistic approaches, acupuncture, oral medication, mindfulness, and stress reduction. I watched many loved ones announce their own pregnancies. Baby pictures and baby commercials seemed to be everywhere while I tried to implement another intervention to increase our odds.

Studies show that women with infertility have the same levels of anxiety and depression as do women with cancer, heart disease, and a HIV+ status, and I can see why. When you yearn for something so badly, but have very little control on if and when it happens, it can drive you into a dark place. The pain, tears, worry, and anger can easily envelop you. The multitude of Dr's appointments and medications, including their side effects, can make your head spin.

The few things that have given me inklings of hope were my prayers to God, and discovering other couples who are going through this as well. It is estimated that at least 1 in 10 couples face infertility, yet it seems that very few of them ever "come out of the infertility closet." And for awhile, I didn't want to either. I talked to a few close friends, as well as coworkers to explain my increasing absences for appointments, but have otherwise buried it with shame. Yet almost every time I did open up to someone about our fertility struggles, that person would share that they or someone they knew dealt with infertility.

So after many prayers, I am coming forward with our fertility journey for a few reasons.

1) I want to increase the amount of prayer warriors lifting their hearts for us and our journey to grow our family. I'm asking for prayers that we conceive, prayers of wisdom and discernment as to what steps to take medically, and prayers for guidance as to when to change course in our journey to grow our family.

2) I need to free myself from the shame and lies. So many times I've felt that I had to make up why I am going to the Dr. so much, why I have hot flashes and nausea from medications, and why Brad and I don't have any children yet. I am physically and emotionally exhausted and ready to tell people the authentic truth.

3) I want escape the isolation of this journey and hopefully connect with others going through this as well.

I am not sure how much of our journey I will share, or in how much detail. But I do know that I am sick and tired of hiding one of the hardest journeys that Brad and I have ever faced. Yes, we are currently using fertility medication and other interventions in hopes to expand our family. No, this is not at all how I pictured my life would be. But one way or another, Brad and I will be parents. We just will need some help to do so. And there is no reason to feel shame or guilt because of that.

I send all of my love to anyone wrestling with the grief of infertility. You are not alone. And never hesitate to reach out to me.

Love and Blessings,

Annmarie Faye

Natural Living and Jesus: My 2015 Resolutions

This is a post I have yearned and dreaded to write at the same time. 

I LOVE the idea of New Years resolutions. Or resolutions of any kind. Making a decision to actively work towards a personal goal is such a proactive way to become the best YOU that you want to be. So in theory, resolutions inspire me greatly. 

At the same time, I've made many New Years resolutions that were forgotten by the beginning of February. Usually they were broad, such as "Be Healthiest Me I've EVER Been." Or they were unrealistic, such as "Read the entire bible 37 times this year." These have set me up for disappointment and failure. 

So this year, I have two resolutions:

1) Read the bible every day. 

For me, this might mean that some nights I read a chapter or two, and some nights I might only read a verse or two. But to get into the bible every day helps me mentally and spiritually. 

2) Living a more natural lifestyle. 

I had a hard time wording this resolution without sounding too "hippie-go-free-free," Sorry guys.

This resolution came about after looking back at my previous year and seeing improvements monetarily and health-wise due to some more natural choices I've made. I'm hoping that if I continue dabbling in this I can continue to see improvements in my life that are cheaper and less invasive than traditional products.

DISCLAIMER: I do not have anything against "non-natural" things as a whole. I still rock my drugstore makeup, enjoy eating fast food occasionally, and still sometimes take Motrin to quell a headache. But if I can reach for more natural products as a first resort, why not?

So hears to 2015 being my year of spiritual, mental, and physical growth! Anyone else have any resolutions for the new year?

Drugstore Makeup Look - Tutorial

My Drugstore Makeup Look

I finally filmed a makeup tutorial! I apologize for the not so high quality video; I just used my iPad. But not too bad for a first time.

This makeup look is very wearable with fairly neutral colors. It is also has nice skin coverage for acne and scaring.

Enjoy and tell me what you think!

Products Used (in order of appearance)

Rimmel London Stay Matte Primer

Monistat Soothing Care Chafing Relief Powder Gel (I know it seems odd, but it is a great dupe for the Smashbox Photo Finish Primer but a lot cheaper!)

Revlon Colorstay Foundation for Combination/Oily Skin in Buff

Hard Candy Glamoflauge Heavy Duty Concealer in Light 

Maybelline Age Instant Age Rewind Eraser in Brightener   

Revlon Stay Matte Long Lasting Pressed Powder in Transparent 

Elf Eye Primer and Line Sealer (I used the eye primer side)

Milani Bella Eyes Gel Powder Eyeshadows in Bella Champagne, Bella Bronze, and Bella Ivory

Sephora Collection Smart Liner (This is the most non-drugstore product I used. A good drugstore dupe is Milani Eye Tech Perfection Liquid Eye Liner)

Makeup Geek Gel Liner in Immortal

Milani Brow Fix Brow Kit in Light

Milani Brow Shaping Clear Gel 

Rimmel London Natural Bronzer in Sun Bronze 

Milani Baked Blush in Luminoso 

Wet N Wild Fergie Center Stage Collection To Reflect Shimmer Palette in Rose Champagne Glow

Elf Makeup Mist and Set Spray 

Revlon Grow Luscious Mascara in Blackest Black

L’Oreal Paris Voluminous False Fiber Lashes Mascara in Blackest Black

NYX Megashine Lip Gloss in Salsa

Love and Blessings,

Annmarie Jordan

CHEAP Homemade Laundry Detergent

I kind of consider myself a wanna be hippie/crunchy chick. I love the idea of using essential oils for health, eating fresh and locally grown vegetables, drinking raw milk, and using yoga and meditation to clear my mind and heal my body. Now I also love eating a sleeve of ultra-processed Oreos while watching YouTube on my iPad...but I digress.

My point being that for something natural to become a part of my everyday living, it must also be fairly easy and affordable.And I have found a new natural AND cheap homemade product to add into our lives

Introducing Homemade Laundry Detergent.

This recipe is what I followed. I found all of the ingredients at my local grocery store. All together, the products probably cost around $18. But this makes 5 gallons of laundry detergent AND besides the bar of soap, the other products cold probably be reused for countless more batches of detergent.

Here are the key players, plus water and a few drops of Lavender essential oil

This is what it looks like after you dump everything into the bucket

This is what it looks like after sitting overnight...it becomes very gelatinous. 

Yes, we store it in a big Walmart bucket in our closet...keeping it real showing the messy closet. 

We keep a small bucket in the laundry area with a measuring cup to pour the detergent into the washing machine.

This works just as well as store bought detergent, and for a much lower cost. You only use a small amount of the Borax and Washing Soda, so those boxes will take a long time to be completely used up. I don't think I will ever go back to buying laundry detergent when this is so easy and cheap!

Let me know if you try this out! Or if you have anymore homemade replacements for this wanna-be hippie to try :)

Love and Blessings,

Annmarie Jordan

The Godsend of Concealer - Glamoflauge Concealer Review

As someone who suffers from acne, scaring, and other skin imperfections, a concealer is a borderline necessity in my makeup collection. And I've been on the hunt for a FULL coverage concealer that doesn't cost a billion dollars for the past 6 years or so.

And I've finally found it.

Introducing: Glamoflauge Concealer from Wal-Mart

This concealer is designed to cover up anything from acne to tattoos. So I thought I’d test out that theory on my brightly colored lotus flower on my ankle

The following pictures have no filters or editing. 

My lotus flower tattoo! Ignore the dry spots...didn't want to moisturize and affect the concealer. 

After tracing and coloring it with the concealer pencil.

I do not use the pencil when I am concealing acne, but I thought I would follow the instructions to a T when covering up my tattoo.

Ignoring the fact that this is tanner than my leg and needs some ankle blending...pretty nice!

See? If my legs weren't so gosh darn pale it would be invisible! (I use the shade "Light", which matches my face much better than my leg.)

In my daily routine, I use this on top of foundation to cover the stubborn acne on my face.

You can find this at Wal-mart for only $6.00 or so! Not bad for the amazing coverage!

So if you’re looking for a full coverage concealer on a budget, look no further and run, don’t walk, to pick this bad boy up.

Love and Blessings, 

Annmarie Jordan

P.S. You might need to try Wal-Mart a few times to find this. It seems light it is almost always out of the shade I need. Apparently others have found my Holy Grail of concealer as well...

Photoshop Beauty?

Photoshop beauty is a topic I'm sure we've heard about many times. The idea that no one looks as pretty as the girls on the magazines covers, including those girls. This is because programs like Photoshop make it so easy to change your eye size, skin smoothness, and even your makeup. 

While my title icon is a dramatic edit of my original face, below is a more subtle, yet still just as fake, example.

Observe:

Exhibit A (Pre-Edit)

Naked-faced me-my zits, freckles, premature wrinkles (thanks to high school tanning), and
round cheecks

Exhibit B:

Look, I'm pretty?

Yes, the slimmed face, make-up, teeth-whitening, and skin smoothing is all from an app. (It's Perfect 365 if you're wondering). 

Just playing around with this app made me realize how easy it is to make yourself appeal to society's idea of beautiful. But you know what? Screw them! Those cover girls aren't even as flawless as they look on the magazines! Play with make-up if you want, or don't. Cut your hair, rock your zits do whatever you want! Because no matter what, you're beautiful. 

And remember, according to the big guy above: 

Love and Blessings, 

Annmarie Faye

Chocolate QUINOA Cake!

Yes, you read that right. A cake made with quinoa. Not quinoa flour, but cooked quinoa.

And it actually tasted good. Even my picky husband agreed!

For those of you who are unfamiliar with this super food, quinoa is a grain that is packed with protein. There are a myriad of health benefits in this food, some of which are explained here. I try to get quinoa into as many meals as I can, but this is my first quinoa dessert!

I used the cake recipe from this site. The link will have the specific measurements. I ate mine without frosting (it was SO rich, which is saying something from me!), and Brad used some canned frosting we had lying around.

1. Cook 3/4 cup of quinoa in 1 1/2 cups of boiling water. Turn it down to a simmer and cook for 15-20 minutes or so.

This is what the quinoa should look like once it's completely cooked. 

 2. Add milk, eggs, and vanilla extract to blender and blend for 10 seconds or so.

I used almond milk, but any milk you have on hand will do. 

This is my homemade vanilla extract! Mmmm I love real food :)

This is what it looks like after it's blended. 

3. Add cooked and cooled (or warm if you're impatient like me) quinoa and a melted butter/coconut oil mixture and blend until smooth.

Coconut oil is another super food that has many health benefits as listed here. It's also very easy to employ in your diet, as it can be used in place of oils or butter in cooking. I used a mix of butter and coconut oil in mine, but just butter will work too.

This is what coconut oil looks like out of the container, but it melts very easily. 

This is the mixture. I melted the butter in the microwave, and just put the coconut oil in
afterwards. It melted with a little stirring. 

I'm very bummed I didn't take a picture of the mixture when it was done. It is a dark yellowish color. I have to admit, I was getting a little unsure as to whether this was really a good idea for a cake or not.

4. Mix the dry ingredients in a large bowl.

Baking powder, baking soda, cocoa, sugar (or another sweetener) and salt

5. Add the wet ingredients from the blender and mix.

6. Put the batter into a parchment-lined pan.

See, that batter does turn out normal-looking!

7. Bake for half an hour at 350 and voila!

Mmmmm cake :)

I was so impressed with this cake! It was moist, chocolaty, smooth and delicious! While I was unable to bled the quinoa 100% smooth, there were only very smart parts where I could tell the texture was a little different. There was no odd taste or anything though. The man had no idea I cooked up one of my weird health foods until I told him there was quinoa in it! I will be making it more often to indulge my sweet tooth while pumping by body full of vitamins, nutrients and protein.

Love and Blessings,

Annmarie Faye

P.S. This is also GLUTEN FREE for all of my readers avoiding gluten, Boo yah!

Shout Out to the Mother's In College

Last year on Mother's Day, I wrote a tribute to my mother entitled Things My Mother Has Taught Me. This year, I didn't want to be redundant and rave about Jan again (not that she doesn't deserve it, because I did rave about her on other social media and on FaceTime today). I want to instead write a shout out to all the mothers who are currently in college. 

College is hard yo. It is a struggle to balance "real life" with "school life". The seemingly endless studying, papers, online discussion boards, service learning hours (if you're a social worker), and interning are overwhelming. And I'm saying that as someone who is very blessed to be mainly focusing on school at this time. 

I cannot IMAGINE doing all of the above, and more, while also raising a child (or a few). I cannot fathom timing out my studying in between my little chubby cheeked baby's naps. Or finding daycare for the random class scheduling that college seems to entail. Or trying to do all of that, while also financially supporting your family.  

I especially admire those non-traditional students who are coming back to college as someone who many be out of their twenties by a few years. College is hard no matter what age you are, but coming back to a room of late-teen/early twenty-somethings must be scary. As well as having to take care of a family. You've got a ton on your plates, and I commend you and appreciate sharing the classroom with you. 

So here's to you, college mamas! I know you know this, but furthering your education will benefit your children and family in a plethora of ways. And I look up to you. 

Very glad that this is my only baby right now! Even she makes it hard to study sometimes
when she insists on being on my lap no matter what. ;)

Love and Blessings, 

Annmarie 

Christian vs. Christ-like

I've struggled with this for most of my life. I want to be a "good Christian." I look at other people that I consider "good Christians" as role models. 

Mrs. so-and-so gets up early to have quiet time with God every morning. 

That guy volunteers at a homeless shelter two evenings a week. 

She holds small groups at her house for the young women in church. 

He hasn't missed a Sunday service in years. 

Not that role models are a bad thing. I have learned a lot of ways to get to know God better through my brothers and sisters in Christ.

But when I am looking for a role model, I don't often look to Jesus, the only perfect person to walk the Earth. 

Why do I not look at the guy who loved everyone, even (or especially) his enemies?

Why do I not look at the guy who died so that one day I can fiesta with him and his dad up in heaven?

Why do I not look at the guy who ate with sinners, tax collectors, and lepers?  

I'm not sure. I don't know if it's because that seems unrealistic to me. Or maybe it's easier for me to feel like a good Christian by adding an extra bible study in instead of by by loving EVERYONE, including those who seem unlovable. 

But this is my declaration to try and live as a Christ-follower instead of a "good Christian". Maybe if we tried to do this, Christians wouldn't get such a bad (and most often rightly deserved) reputation. 

End rant. 

Love and Blessings,

Annmarie Jordan

Influenster College VoxBox Review

I am a member at Influenster, which is a site that sends out complimentary items for people to try out, share their thoughts, and review. It has been a good experience and has exposed me to some incredible products!

So this time they sent me a Uni VoxBox, which was filled with all things college related! I'm going to give you the good, the bad, and whether I would repurchase each item. Let's get started!

Love the cute packaging!

1. imPress Press On Manicure
I was surprised at how much I liked these! I am used to the ghetto fake nails that have messy glue and pop off right away. These nails had a tab that you pulled of to expose the stickiness, and then you pressed them on and are good to go!

They are the perfect length for me!

The instructions said to file your nail bed a bit to help the nail adhere more. I did that to a few nails and it did help. The nails that popped off the soonest were the ones I did not file.
Overall, these are great for a special occasion. I would not where them everyday as they do not stick as well as acrylics and would need to be replaces fairly often. But for a wedding or special date, these are affordable and look amazing! I am contemplating buying another set just to feel pretty for finals week...(Don't judge!)
Repurchase: Yes, for special occasions.

Mmmmm tea :)

2. Red Rose Real Tea Premium Water Enhancer 
This was a lot tastier than I thought it would be! It works like many water enhancers, where you squeeze the bottle into a glass of water and can control how much flavor you'd like. It has a nice tea flavor that is on the sweet side (sweeter is always better for me!), is only 5 calories, and is very portable.
My only complaint is that I am not a huge fan of the ingredient sucralose, which is in many "diet" products. It's the way they keep the taste good while still keeping the calories low. While this will not be my tea of choice, as I'd rather sweeten my tea with sugar or stevia, I may keep it on hand when I'm feeling lazy and craving some tea.
Repurchase: Maybe if I'm feeling lazy...but most likely I'll just use this bottle up and be done.

They did their job...

3. Playtex Sport Fresh Balance
I won't go into too much detail about tampons on this blog, but I will say that I liked these and they did their job well. I would repurchase them if they weren't more expensive than my usual Tampax Pearl, but I did enjoy the scent and experienced no leaking.
Repurchase: If the price is right, then yes.
Okay, moving on...

Love and Blessings to my readers :)

4. Pilot Pen Acroball Pen
While I have to say I am not very particular with my pens, I did like this one. The grip was nice, it wrote smoothly, and left a nice and dark mark when I wrote. I've been getting my use out of this pen during the busy end of semester work I've been up to my eyeballs in!
Repurchase: No. It was a great pen, but I usually just buy the cheapest ones I can find.

Yay for full size lipstick!

5. NYC Expert Last Lipstick in Forever Fuchsia
 This lipstick really does last! I put it on before we cleaned our apartment (and this was right before my parents came, so you know I was doing some deep and busy cleaning!), and it did not fade after the end of the day! It goes on smoothly and is very pigmented.
Actually, a little too pigmented for this color on me...
Repurchase: Next time I need a new lipstick, I may try out this one in a different shade. 

A little much for my face...

But after blotting it a bit, it isn't too bad. I'm sure another color might be more flattering on my pale skin.

And lastly, my favorite product of this box...

This is the holy grail of drugstore foundation!

5. Revlon London Stay Matte Foundation
I am in love with this stuff! It is my new go-to foundation, and I thought I found my favorite drugstore foundation years ago! It is almost a mouse consistency, and is fairly full coverage. I apply it with a damp beauty blender sponge, and it comes out like this:

Left is before, right is after plus translucent powder and blush

I love how well it matches my skin tone, and how natural it looks with just the foundation and a little blush. I will definitely be repurchasing this one! My only complaint is how is accentuates my dry spots, but that is a problem with every foundation, so I digress.
Repurchase: Yes, yes, a billion times yes!

Love and Blessings,

Annmarie Faye