Yesterday started out like any other day. I had a long day of classes. Usually I see the man for a half hour or so before I head out to my late night class after he gets home from work. He had told me that it was going to be a shut down day (basically, things are going to go wrong and he will most likely be home late), so I probably wouldn't see him until I got home from my class.
That's fine, I thought, even though I have class until 9, I'll just check my phone for the text when you get out of work.
*Side note: the man usually gets out around 4. I figured I'd get a text at 5:30 or so at least letting me know he'd be later.
As I sat in class and the minutes ticked by, my phone didn't light up. I patiently (okay, somewhat impatiently) waited and waited. The time went from six to seven and I didn't get a text.
Now logically, I could have assumed that if he was running late it's because the line isn't running well at all, so he is occupied and very busy. He is probably problem-solving and intensely working. Which would mean he probably wouldn't get much of a chance to reply to his spazzy wife.
But of course, logical thinking is not my specialty. So I started panicking. I was convinced some machine fell on top of him and mangled him, or that he forgot to text me before he left and was in some ditch on the side of the road.
I wish I could say I was kidding or exaggerating. But I'm not. My brain is obnoxious.
So after four frantic texts, even ones such as "PLEASE JUST REPLY ONE LETTER REALLY QUICK SO I CAN KNOW YOU'RE OK! I LOVE YOU!!!!!" I did get a response at 7:30ish, saying that he was fine but really busy and sorry for not texting. And that he loved me with all his heart.
Of course the logical response was to feel relief and thankfulness that you were overreacting....
...but instead I got mad.
Now long story short, we talked it out. He's going to try and text when it's going to be late, but when it's a shut down day, expect him home at nine, and any earlier is early.
What is significant about this story?
I didn't trust God.
As I sat in that classroom waiting for that text, I was getting ridiculously anxious. I sat there making plans for what I would do if I didn't get a text at this time, and what I'd do if class ended and I still hadn't heard. Sure I sent up a few half-hearted prayers, but that was it.
But I need to trust God more. It's been challenging me lately for the following reasons:
1) I am a worry wart. Always have had anxiety issues.
2) The man is all I have down here. I haven't really gotten to establish myself in the short amount of time here. So basically, it scares the crap out of me to even THINK about what would happen if something happened to him.
But God has my back! He truly wants what is best for me. The man isn't all the I have down here: God is always here too. And I need to remember that when I'm freaking out about illogical circumstances. Or else I will be crippled with worry and unable to truly live and be a light for him.
So here's to giving our worries up to God!
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" Matt 6:25-27
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own". Matt 6:34
"Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken." Psalm 55:22
Love and Blessings,